“I am able to do nothing from Myself [independently, of My own accord—but only as I am taught by God and as I get His orders]. Even as I hear, I judge [I decide as I am bidden to decide. As the voice comes to Me, so I give a decision], and My judgment is right (just, righteous), because I do not seek or consult My own will [I have no desire to do what is pleasing to Myself, My own aim, My own purpose] but only the will and pleasure of the Father Who sent Me” ~ John 5:30, AMP.
Trusting God for every step, every desire, every word of life is what Jesus portrayed; relying fully on God who directs our path and is fully in control of our destiny. That is what God is teaching me these days.
We just went through a very trying time as my Dad’s poor health issues were revealed. He went into the hospital on a Monday, went home with Hospice on Friday, and died on Tuesday. Just that fast and he was gone.
I always felt that I would be a main caregiver for him when his time came, but when it came, I was sick as a dog: flu, followed by Laryngitis – Bronchitis and the worst cough I have ever had in my life. I would put a mask on and visit daddy for short periods of time. Though I hoped to get over it good enough to help with his care, it never happened.
The last night of his life, I knew his time was close and I should stay, but my health issue flared with fever and feeling so bad I could hardly stand myself. I knew his current state could end quickly or go on for another day or two, so the decision I came to was to go home and wait. Just minutes before my sis called to tell me he was gone and ask me to come, I had such a hard coughing spell that it tore the muscle in the 7th intercostal space (says my doctor). It hurt so bad I could barely breathe, much less move, so again I had to tell her I could not come. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Through the entire two week ordeal of trying to get daddy to the doctor and on through the last week of his life, I was hindered from being the help I wanted to be and always thought I would be. Throughout it all God constantly called me to rest in, rely on, be confident in and trust in Him with assurance that He was up to something. I don’t know what He was working in my sister during it all, but in me, He was helping me to grow stronger in surrendering what I think I should be doing to Him who is the Lord of my path in life.
Only time will tell what He accomplished through the experience, for me and my family. But one thing I know more than ever before, God is faithful and I can rest in Him with full surrender to His working His will out in me in His way that shines some light of glory to all who see.
“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6, AMP.
“…Roll your works upon the Lord, commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and so shall your plans be established and succeed. …A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure” ~ Proverbs 16:1-9, AMP.