Tag Archives: fear

A Standard Set

“…When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him.” (Isaiah 59:19 NKJV)

I can understand the heart of a woman’s pain when watching a man she knows as “rapist” from her earlier days, seeing him very likely to be raised up to a position of authority in our highest court system. It must be excruciating to her. And more excruciating is the issue of not being able to prove her accusations to those same courts. But proof is necessary, and righteously so. Thus I feel her pain and I comprehend the struggle.

At the same time, I can comprehend the pain of a man who may not believe he is guilty in the way accused; or who has so greatly changed since then so as to no longer be that person. Fortunately, for him, we live in a society of law that lays the burden of proof on the shoulders of the accuser, counting the accused innocent until proven guilty. And I, for one, am very grateful for our system of law. It is, by the way, biblical, the scriptures making it clear that there must be at least two or three witnesses to a crime.

I am writing today, not to tell any woman they shouldn’t feel or possess their pain, nor to tell them they should not bring their accusation when their hurt was from so many years past. God knows your pain and He can lead you to have strength to stand up to the accused. But I am writing to share how God has so graciously freed me from my pain; the frequency of these cases constantly drawing me into a grateful heart toward my God who set me free indeed.

My experience is different from many of the women coming forward today against men; like that of Bill Cosby. I was not, to my knowledge, drugged. In cases where a man drugs a woman to have his way with her, that is RAPE in one of the ugliest forms. Though I was not maliciously drugged, I was drunk out of my skull, and some of my drunkenness was helped by the boy who raped me.

I was somewhere between mid-16 to mid-17 years old. Though I professed Christ as Savior at the age of 10, I was not raised up to know how to follow Him as Lord, nor to know the importance and freedom-producing purpose of doing so. On that fateful night in my life, I was terribly upset about something I do not even recall the details of now. Instead of turning to Christ for His help in the pain, I had opportunity to turn to liquor. And turn I did.

I chugged a huge gulp of wine, climbed on the back of my car in our secluded party spot, one of my gal-friends beside me, and was immediately surrounded by five or six boys. Someone nearby handed me some type of another liquor; not sure who as I was already feeling the effects of the wine. I took a drink and passed it to the next person.

Somewhere along the way, one of the boys got the others to hand the bottle to me every other turn. I was so drunk, that the details given to you now, to this point in my experience, are all I remember until numerous hours later when I began to sober up. I was passed out drunk in the back seat of my car most of the night, according to friends.

The next day my girlfriends told me what all happened that night. It included me winding up in the back seat with that boy who, in my memory, started the liquor coming my way every other time; which some might say was me being maliciously drugged. That’s a heart issue judgment best left with God.

I don’t know if anyone tried to stop me from getting in the backseat with him. I’m sure if they did, I didn’t cooperate. But I do know that no one fought that boy away from me. Thus, in the sense that I was incapacitated in my ability to make a knowing and wise decision, I was raped that night, the only memory of which that I have is the flash of his face over me.

Despite my lack of memory of the incident, I have never felt that I had no role in what happened. In the sense of culpability, I have always considered myself most to credit for the assault. You see, I knew the results of drunkenness from watching my alcoholic Mom. I knew better than to drink like that. If I didn’t understand its dangers before that night, I certainly did after, and never again drank that way.

I believe God led me to do four things immediately following that night that absolutely freed me from the pain of the experience. That incident has never stunted or harmed my ability to move on in life as a result of these actions.

  • First, I took responsibility for my role in the travesty, owning it, and I repented before my Lord for my actions that led to a drunken state that removed from me the ability to choose good over evil; and I repented the sexual sin that resulted because of my vulnerability in my drunken state, which I deliberately chose for myself. No one forced me to get drunk.
  • Second, I faced my rapist and, after apologizing to him for my part in allowing myself to get into such a state that I would do something with him I never would have done sober, I was able to leave his role in the rape with God for Him to handle. God empowered a forgiveness toward him for my own sake, so bitterness nor any other enemy to my mental health and well-being was able to bind me up. The incident had no talons with which to get hold on me.
  • Third, I both apologized to my friends for things I did that I do not remember doing, and I forgave them without their asking for it, for not fully recognizing my vulnerable state and fighting for me.
  • Fourth, I forgave myself for getting out of control like that and I learned from it.

Some would say that I should have turned the boy in, but truly, it did not occur to me that the incident was RAPE until years later, when we started seeing cases like this bombard our TV screens. In my day the rule was that drunken is as drunken does. I just thought of it as a night of stupidity and loss.

I don’t recall the name of that boy, not that I would share it here if I did. And I barely remember what he looked like then. I would not recognize that boy, now a man, today, unless he came up to me and told me who he was. Even if I did, I would not bring charges against him, not because I see myself as better than women who do bring a charge against a rapist long past, nor because I would be afraid to, but because, for me, it is done, settled, finished. God has it. He is The Judge and He will tend to it.

The only way I would ever even think about bearing witness to his actions in a court of law is as a witness in a case where more current rape victims bring charges against him: to help them make a stronger case, showing a long held lifestyle of raping women to this day. My hope is that God worked in his life and that he never again participated in such horrific acts against women. Until I see otherwise, he has nothing to fear from me.

Beloved, God raises up a standard over His children in our battle against evil, an evil powered by the demonic. For me, it was a standard of owning and repenting my role in the evil done. It was forgiving those who even inadvertently participated in the evil, including myself. And it is (and was) understanding of God’s grace and mercy that equips me to let the past go, and move on to the joy of a life worth living.

The Standard we have over us in Christ is Jesus Himself, His blood that sets us free from sin’s death, whether our own sin or that of others done toward us. I thank God for His mercy poured out to me. And I pray the freeing power of Mercy’s grace toward those hurt so badly by the evil sin of rape.

© Darlene Ingram Davis: 09-28-18

The Reignited Gift

“For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:6-7 NASB)

I’ve been in God’s Word to some degree for over 50 years, since childhood; studying and teaching it with intimate fervor for at least 40 of those years, and it never ceases to amaze me how the Spirit can bring a “Well, dah!” out of me. This passage did it for me this morning.

I’ve always read this with thought of “gift” being that of teaching, or evangelism, or leadership, or whatever Timothy’s undergirding service-gift might be. Today I read it with that start of realization, recognizing that Paul is talking about the gift of the Spirit, Himself. He is saying, “Kindle afresh The Spirit of God within you.”

You see, something was raising up great fear in Timothy, such as to quench the Spirit’s freedom to work in His life. That fear was most likely his youth and the challenge of teaching with authority those he saw as older and wiser, leaders in the community. Paul reminds him that the Spirit in Him bridges that gap, equipping him to boldly and confidently speak and teach the truths of God with power.

Beloved, what quenches God’s Spirit in you? Kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you. How? Through trust that believes God; faith that realizes unseen truth; and surrender that submits to Him, even when it doesn’t make sense to our finite thinking.

Trust in the Lord today, Beloved, and do the good He sets before you, working out of the power of His sure Presence within you. Go forth in Him and prosper the day.

Love Wins!

When Fear Steps in the Ring……. LOVE WINS!

We have battles in this life of some sort every stinking day, Beloved. Our minds – emotions- tongues – are a battlefield. When we are heading to do something important to King and Kingdom, you better believe the devil is going to toss a wrench. So if we aren’t battling our flesh, we are battling demonic and worldly influences.

Beloved, when we are in a long night (an impossible situation only God can fix), such battles are fierce, and fear readily climbs into the ring of life. Scripture tells us that perfect love casts fear out (1 John 4). What is perfect love? Here’s what I believe.

Babe, God IS Love. That is His nature. God is perfect Love and His Love is working it’s perfection when it is received, possessed, and made full use of by us. I believe He created us as a place for Love. He desires for His Love to meet our need of it.

Fear most often comes to rob of trust in God’s Love. We are made to feel like we have to earn Love by being good enough for Him. Fear constantly tells us we can’t be good enough. And you know what, if it’s true His Love is earned, the devil is correct, we can’t be good enough. But – OH, THANK GOD! – that is not truth!

Truth is that God Loves us because He is Love. His love for us has nothing to do with our “do”, and everything to do with His “Who”. When we allow Him, who is Love, to abide in us with confidence that nothing we do will lose His Love, our battle with fear is finished, and we are strengthened to fight the true war: the good fight of faith that allows all He is to fill us and seep out our every pore to make all we are to possess the image of all He created us to be. Jesus in “me”, alive and well.

Read 1 John‬ ‭4:7-21‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Battles: The Afters

Trust in the Lord Our Rock Produces Unshakable Peace

13 Days of Trust in the Lord and do good. Day 10 – Isaiah 26:3-4

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock.”

Unshakable faith that fully trusts and relies on our unshakable God produces within the heart of the believer an unshakable, irrepressible peace. This peace comes to the heart of the one steadfast in mind. As I think on this, my mind turns to two things:

First I think on God’s word concerning seeking wisdom, given us through James. It is promised that seeking God’s wisdom with sincere faith to trust Him will see our need of it met. Second, is James’ warning to not waver in faith, being double minded in following the wisdom given. We cannot fully follow God and be double minded.

But what about Gideon’s encounter with the angel of the Lord? His faith was small and unstable, so he sought God twice for a sign that the word sent was indeed from Him and that He would fulfill it. God patiently honored Gideon’s need for assurance. Once Gideon grasped hold of God’s instruction with faith secured, his faith to heed the wise instruction of the Lord, as strange to him as some of it was, could not be stopped, and the testimony of a miraculous deliverance encourages us still today.

In my first paragraph I pointed out that this unshakable, irrepressible peace comes to the heart of the one steadfast in mind. God worked with Gideon until he was convinced of God, in essence being of the same mind or thought with Him. Agreement with God’s revealed will for us, denying our flesh-mind its doubts and fears, prevents our fall to a double-minded struggle of the flesh against the Spirit.

Though God hates to see doubt in the heart of His followers, He willingly works to strengthen our faith, making us stable and steadfast to trust Him who is the Rock foundation under our feet. The greater our trust in God, our Rock, the more profound our peace of mind and heart, and the faster our obedience in receiving, believing, and following His wise counsel.

Braving the Raging Waves of the Political Seas

In my time with the Lord today, two things spoke to me for our nation and the political seas raging around us.

Matthew 7: 24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. 26 Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall. 28 When Jesus had finished these words, the crowds were amazed at His teaching; 29 for He was teaching them as one having authority, and not as their scribes.”

Following the principles found in scripture, our forefathers built and established the United States of America on God’s rock. Many want to deny this fact. To do so is to tear down our foundation that is solid and has held us stable for over 200 years. Those seeking to do that, work to place our foundation on sand. That sand will shift with the storms raised up at the whim of every person who thinks they have a better way.

It is vital in this election that we choose someone who realizes what is going on with the foundation of our nation; someone who knows God and whose life is founded on that Rock; someone focused to rebuild the ruins under US. This one will not be a perfect man, but he will be a man, perfected in Christ, made ready and fully equipped for service. Choosing well requires us to make our choice in the authority we have in Christ, led by Him, possessing faith and in full assurance of God’s controlling influence.

As I read John 6 today, God instructed my heart to understand that Americans are looking for a Savior and are going by throngs to the one they think looks to fit that need. Fear causes us to panic and act out of a desire to save ourselves and join with those we think can deliver us. To those of the body of Christ, we already have a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. We need no other. What we do need is to walk by faith to support the candidate that most resembles Christ and is clearly led by Him with feet set firm on His holy foundation. Only that one is His chosen leader to take us back to our foundational roots and make our nation strong again (1 Kings 19:9-15a).

walking on water02In John 6:20, Jesus says to those watching Him coming on the storm-tossed sea, “It is I; do not be afraid.” This storm that is raging around us belongs to God for His use in helping us to refuse to focus on the wave; instead, turning our attention to the Savior who is walking toward us. There is but one boat He will climb into with His chosen, but we have to brave the seas with Him, get on that boat with Him, and watch for Him to calm the storm. Verse 21 says, “So they were willing to receive Him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.” When we get on the sea with Jesus, He will help us find our boat and get us to the shore of His choosing.

I struggled for weeks, watching every debate I could, listening to news releases, searching info online for each candidate, perusing their websites and the list of issues they have a heart to address. I settled on one several times only to find my ears assaulted by voices proclaiming all his faults, as they see it, thus being set out to search anew. The constant fighting, arguing, and character bashing between them readied me to throw up my hands up in defeat of finding the one. The minute God showed me that the bashing of character going on was raising fear in me and I needed to realize even this storm is under God’s control, peace came and I knew my candidate.

Are you, like me, struggling to find the chosen? Join me today in thel109149486 boat with Jesus, the author of our salvation  and perfecter of faith, who chooses our leaders before we do. He will lift up in your heart the one He has chosen, and peace will immediately return despite the waves on the political seas. Search the candidates out to know their heart, yes, but do so looking for the boat Jesus is in. Once you reach shore, having found your boat, “trust in the Lord and do good” by placing your vote (see Psalm 37).